Smoking and my family

Well, I need a couple more blogs and I need to write something about this. I don't mind oversharing-- it is for me to write something but also because I know people get something out of hearing about other peoples experiences. Jill, does this count as some weird auto ethnography? I also think about how our measures of disease and disability are unable to factor in the real cost to families and communities. It also made me think about Tasha's post on the reasons people smoke. You get much more intricate and nuanced responses to issues when you ask for more detail or a history. I found this when I talked to my brother's ex-girlfriend that works in the baby unit of a hospital.

My aunt died last night from a complication related to lung cancer. My parents were already driving to Texas in an attempt to be with her in the hospital before the passed. This was sudden-- from finding the tumor to complications to this point has only been about 2 weeks. The speed is shocking. She is 63, my mom's younger sister. She smoked almost her entire life and had previously beaten another kind of cancer. Other decades of smoking, my mom claims that she took pretty good care of herself. But she and I both know that smoking will catch up with you. You will eventually pay the price. Both her mom and my dad's mom died from complications related to smoking. In fact, my mom's mom snuck cigarettes into the hospital during her last days. My mom's other sister has gone through chemo several times and I believe continues to smoke. I started smoking (I do not smoke now) while teaching English in Seoul, South Korea. It began as social smoking and continued to deal with stress at the work place. I smoked when back in the U.S. until my then girlfriend basically said she wouldn't deal with it. I chewed the gum for like 8 months. The gum was easy and relaxing, no smell. But 8 months is way too long. When that relationship ended, I went back to smoking. This is all while studying health communication. This was just because it felt good and the cute neighbor girl that lived in the apartment next door also smoked. So we would hang out and smokes cigarettes.I stopped again with my current girlfriend because she wouldn't have any of it. Plus, her nose is amazing-- she can smell clogged pores.

So, why do people smoke? A lot of different reasons that have nothing to do with anyone else or their own health. I knew smoking was bad for me, but the consequences were so distal that it didn't change my behavior. I often wonder whether I would smoke again if Rachel and I were not together. I am not sure. But I don't want my older brothers to bury me at 63, that is for sure. That shit is just too hard. it breaks my heart to see my mother lamenting that she waited until my dad retired to start planning more things with her sister. Now it is too late.